Letter to my kids

Dear Parker, Drea and Emma,

I am writing you this letter because I want you to know that I love you. I am not sure if I tell you enough, or maybe it's just because of your past, and maybe you don't truly understand what -real- love is yet. I want you to understand that all those times you think I'm being mean because I won't give you what you want, when you want it, it's actually me being nice, and showing my love for you.

I know you don't like to clean up your messes. I make you clean them up to help you learn to take responsibility for your actions. It's important not only to clean up what messes we make, but to also be able to say "yes, I made that mess. It's my fault, and it's ok, I'll clean it up." To own your mistakes instead of passing on the blame. Bad things start to happen when you make a habit of passing on the blame. It makes it easier and easier to make "mistakes" because you never have to take responsibility for it, but it will, at some point in time, bite you back. It doesn't matter if you don't own up to your bad choices, they are still yours, and the consequences are still yours too. I hope that eventually you learn that you must take responsibility for your bad choices, and that there are consequences for your bad choices. I am teaching you to make good choices and to take responsibility for your bad ones because I LOVE YOU.

I know you don't like to put your coat on. It's a hassle. It makes you a bit uncomfortable. It's bulky, heavy, and heck, it might even make you sweat. But when the wind chill in Texas is 3 degrees, I must see to it that you are warm so that you don't get sick or frostbitten. That's -my- responsibility. Yes, I am probably going to make you stand outside in your tank top and shorts for a min or two until you make the decision for yourself that I was right in the first place, and that it is frigidly cold outside, but at least you know for yourself that mommy isn't just being mean by making you wear -clothes- and a -coat-. We are trying hard to teach you modesty and weather appropriate clothing. This means that when I say you may not wear that tank top w/o a tshirt underneath it, when you come home from school wearing nothing but that tank top, it will get thrown away. Modeling modesty and weather appropriate clothing does not seem to be enough for you. I am teaching you modesty and weather appropriate clothing because I LOVE YOU.

As for the yelling on my part, when you don't respond to me when I ask you to do something 4 times, it is only fair that I assume you didn't hear me. This promise I make: that I will not yell mean things at you. I will not call you names or berate you. I will on the other hand, get louder and louder until you respond to me, because literally nothing else has worked. If you will just respond in a timely manner, (remember, with your polite words and attitude) yelling will no longer be necessary. Yelling is what people do to be heard, and it seems (after months of trying other things) that it's the only thing that works. I will promise to try to quiet down to a normal level just as soon as you respond to me, because once you're paying attention to me, it's no longer necessary to yell to be heard. Also, please remember that you guys are LOUD. You play loud, you talk loud, you sing loud, so sometimes, even when it's the first time I'm saying something, I have to be loud to be heard at all. I yell because I LOVE YOU. Sometimes, what I have to say, IS -JUST- that important. (like no running in the street, go put your coat on, don't touch/eat/play with that, etc) it ALMOST always has to do immediately with your safety. (like sit down on your bottom in the grocery cart, etc)

I know you like to scream. I have no earthly idea why this is a habit of yours. Completely unnecessary screaming like you're being murdered makes mommy's ears want to fall off. I have determined that it is not a need-meeting behavior, nor does it usually have anything to do with whatever game you are playing with your siblings at the time, it is purely impulsive noise making. Therefore, I will continue to discipline by putting you in time out until you learn that screaming like you're hurt is not allowed unless you are actually hurt enough to scream. Hopefully that will never happen, but if you're ever in the woods by yourself there's no doubt that somebody 3 miles away or more will be able to hear you scream! Just not appropriate behavior in the house or grocery store. We need to read The Boy who Cried Wolf, I guess. :) Please understand that I am teaching you good social skills because I LOVE YOU. I want you to have friends, and to know how to function in society, and screaming like that will not help.

I also understand that you get hungry sometimes. I want to remind you that there has never been a day in this house that you have been made to go without food. EVER. I feed you at least one yummy meal and snack each day, the school takes care of the other two meals. On weekends, I often -cook- three whole, homemade and balanced meals a day, which cannot be said for most of the children in this country. Please understand that I cook because I love you. I LOVE making you yummy food and knowing that it pleases your tummy and makes you full. Now, that being said, when I am in the middle of cooking, please stop demanding that food be given to you RIGHT NOW. There will be no temper tantrums, no throwing things, no stomping of feet just because you can't have food RIGHT THIS SECOND. Because you are likely to be handed a raw piece of onion (or whatever I'm cooking that's safe to eat raw) and it won't make you happy. Just wait the 20 min for the yummy finished product, and then remember to say thank you. Because I could have fed you bologne sandwiches. (GROSS) I cook yummy meals and make you wait to eat them until they're done because I LOVE YOU.

I want you to be able to hang out with me and/or help me in the kitchen, but when you can't follow simple instructions, I am going to continue to refuse to let you in the kitchen while I cook. It's dangerous. You grab things you shouldn't grab, touch things that could make you sick, and I can guarantee that you haven't washed your hands recently, and if you have you still walk right in to the kitchen and start messing and playing with the trashcan. Until we can learn to break those habits, NO.. you cannot help me in the kitchen. It's a funny thing, this love I have for you, I wish to see you neither hurt, nor sick. So learn to obey me outside of the kitchen, and I will start letting you help me cook. I teach you to obey and be safe because I LOVE YOU.

I think that about covers it for now.

Love,
your mommy.