Letter to our future children.

Dear little one,

Although I do not know you yet, I wanted to write a letter to express how much I love you already. I wanted to write you a letter, so that when you're old enough, you can read it and understand why your father and I learned to love you before we even knew you. I wanted you to be able to put this in your life book someday.

I don't know you yet. I don't know who you are, what shade of skin you have, what hair color or eye color you have, if you have freckles like me, or sad irish eyes like your dad.

Some days as I walk around in my little world, grocery shopping, or window shopping, I look into the eyes of the children I see and wonder if you will look like them. I hear that when women are pregnant, they start to wonder if their baby will have green eyes like mommy, or brown hair like daddy. If they will have grandma's chin or grandpa's nose. I don't know, because I've never been that pregnant. But I have all kinds of features to wonder about, across all of humanity, a beautiful rainbow of features that our God made. Will you be brown skinned? I'm not. I am pale skinned and freckled. But it doesn't matter. I already love you. Will you have green eyes like me and your daddy? Or do you have blue eyes? It doesn't matter. I already love you. I don't even know what you will look like, and I love you so much, sometimes it makes me cry. I don't care if you look exactly like me or your father, or if you don't look anything like me or your father. I love you already.

Will you be hurting? Will your little heart ever get over the bad things you've seen or been a victim of? Will you ever learn to love your father and I like other children? It doesn't matter. We already love you. Will you get to stay with us or will you have to go back to your biological family some day? It doesn't matter. We already love you, and we will keep loving you in whatever way we can.

I pray often that you will get to come to us soon, that you are no longer hurting, that you know that it is safe here. That you know that we love you already. Even before we know your name.

One day, about 2 and a half years ago, God started speaking to my heart. He told me that we were going to adopt children. I argued and fought with Him for months, fearing that I would be unable to live up to what you needed. Fearing that my love wouldn't be enough to fix your broken heart. Fearing that I was not good enough to be your mother. And He told me, gently, that it was not only my love that I would be giving you, but His too. The cool thing is that although We don't know you yet, we don't know your name, or your face, God does. He knows your hurt, and He knows your heart, and He loves you so much. He loves you so much that He gave His only Son so that someday, you may be healed from all of your hurts, and that most importantly, you may have eternal life with Him. And God wants ME to share that love with you. I am probably the most blessed mommy out there, that He would trust me to pass that love along to you.

Know this: that your mommy and your daddy loved you even before they met you. God loved you even before he made you, and He sent you to us so that we could share that love with you.

-Mommy (and Daddy)